…of men and mice…

I guess.

wow… that, was, my friend, true wisdom. Although some part of me wants to say; I DISAGREE, the other part is sad to realise I have always known, yet never said nor wanted to believe, that you are absolutely right.

I want to fight what you have said with evert fiber in my body, to prove you wrong and to say that you are caving in. This is the one thing that you would never have me admit, for it is the basis of everything I am. My belief that we are the ones that will make it, that in the end, we were always right, that all the things we have said and done would somehow be justified by our eventual success. I guess this is my life’s great card house, it have always been, and I’m afraid it will always be. I believe that few people can understand the craving for success that I posess, which is almost narcisistic. Our joke that I’m always right and don’t loose is truly a sad joke, for in reality it is’nt a joke, it’s a nescesity. I have to be right. I have to win. I have to make it. This is what drives me. I will never settle for second, yet I know I can never be first. I will never settle for compromise, yet perfect is impossible. Know it as I do, I should accept reality.

But you are not and I do not, for as you so gently put it, there are many more things to life than work. Years ago, we had what I have later realised was a defining moment of my life, a conversation about choices. As always, I boldly, but sadly, exclaimed my choice to the world. Inside, I was in chaos at the moment, fighting every attempt at pulling me back to earth, to puncture my bubble. Some time later, when the chaos erupted and a great many hours was spent contemplating this very conversation, I realised the trick was making sure I never have to make the choice – which is, obviously; just making a new bubble around myself instead of puncturing the old one. The choice will be made, and it will be the right one. What sacrifices I must make in addition will surely send me down the hill.

Your post put a knot in my stomach today, which means it’s more true than anything I’ve ever written. But I’m not ready to admit it yet. Not yet. And I’m also sure that you will be the ones to bring me down eventually, for you are the only people with the knowledge to do it.

I know we will reach the top. But before we do, we must know where the bottom is. First one down will be first one back up I guess. I just hope you’ll take me with you. I know you will. I would.

I guess.

Your words lately have made me sad, for you touch something in the core of what I believe we are. Yet at the same time I am happy, because you finally said what I have always known. Many posts ago, I made a list, now, I think it is time for a new one.

E, your potential is unlimited and your friends are endless, or so it would seem – just remember they are there
H, your talent is infinite, and I hope you understand this one day – as it would be a great shame if you never do
M, of all of us, I believe you are the one truly at peace with who you are – unless you are like me, and the bubble will burst one day?
G, you are the leading man my friend, the wisest and best I know – you I would trust with everything I have

The list grows shorter. The truth grows more painful.
Still, we are together somehow, comforting as it is to know.

Every day brings us closer to the defining moments of everything else. Great things will come, we just have to be there when they do.

the trutH can be Painful