Something that was written long ago.

I was going through some files and folders today, and found this text that I wrote in our second year in Liverpool. Seems rather fitting considering the recent posts I think. It still works. It still is valid. I still believe.

In the legendary TV show fraggle rock, someone asks the question “why do the dozers do what the dozers do?” the answer is simply “the dozers do what the dozers do because the dozers do what the dozers do” The answer is so simple because their reality is so simple, yet so beautiful. The dozers do what they do because that is the point of doing it in the first place.

But why do we do it? Why do we wake up every day, get out of bed in the early morning, eat some breakfast and go in to this place we call LIPA. Why do we work from 9 till 9 just so that performers can perform? And I am not saying this because I am bitter, because I am really not; I’m just asking the question. Why is it that we devote our lives to staying behind the stage, why do we spend our days of youth on creating stars and shows that are remembered for their performers and rarely for the technology and design?

Perhaps we are a bit like the dozers in one way, we will go through fire and hell to keep the show running, we will spend every minute of our waking day to get the job done. But then again, we are not like the dozers at all, because we could choose not to, we know something else; we don’t need to do it. But still we do.

I think I know why.

As I walked to LIPA this morning I came from the Hope street (funny name, isn’t it?) building, and as I walked by, one of the windows was open, inside; there must have been a group of singers or actors, because they were doing a vocal warm-up. For some reason I stopped and waited outside a few moments, and as I was standing there they started with Ave Maria. I stood and listened to this fantastically beautiful song as the sun was gently warming the sky above me, driving the last of the clouds out into the vast sea. Hearing. Thinking. Feeling. Seeing. I remembered. I remembered why I came here. I remembered why our hearts beat faster when we think about it; I remembered why we devote all possible time to doing dirty jobs in the darkness of the stage. I remember.

I remember that when the curtain falls and the audience explodes into applause, that is all I remember. All the long nights and dark hours are gone. I remember that when the stage is yet again empty and the audiences have long gone home, that is what I remember. The applause. The smiles. The joy. Or the sadness. The eyes of kids thinking about the magic they just witnessed. The prides of parents just having seen their kid stand on stage. The music. The sparkling lights. The applause. The feeling of having brought magic to others is what fuels our passion and makes us tick until the next time, until the next few seconds when the show is actually over.

I remember.

Because when all is dark and I go to bed at night, I remember that for two seconds, I was truly alive.

And today, when I had almost forgotten, I remembered.

Not for ourselves, but for the whole world in which we were born.

i Have not forgotten our Purpose

I feel human.

No, I haven’t stolen your post Eyal, even though I noticed you have an unpublished draft with that title. But without having read it, it put me on the idea on which I am embarking now.

I feel so human. Everything I do can be quantified, classified, solidified and categorized. Everything I do is so real. I am not swimming in the vastness of thought-time-space anymore, I am here, in the real world, with real people and real events. I have to obey the real world laws of physics, I can not bend time or energy to my will, and I get wet when I step in the water. I feel so human. I dream at night, long, short, disturbing, provoking, erotic, happy, sad and confusing dreams. I can touch, smell, see and hear things just as everyone else. I communicate with and observe the world around me in the same manners as you do. I laugh, cry, enjoy or despair at the same things. I feel human. Just human perhaps. Or? I have to follow the laws of men, still, I can do what I want to. I am held responsible for my actions and I think about consequence before I act. I breathe, eat, drink, sleep, love, hate, think, feel, wonder and learn. I must be human. I was born. I live.

And I will die.
I am human.

Am I limited still? By all the constrains of the real world, all the boundaries of humankind?

No.

Human? Perhaps.

The roles we all fall into

From the largest organisation (all the people of the world for instance), down to the smallest, (a relationship), and all the social & professional systems inbetween, we fall into preset roles, and are often different for every one of them. The person I am with my family, is different to the person I am at work, to the person I am with my friends… in fact the person I am with one friend is different to the person I am with another… and when I’m with both at the same time I become a third person. So here comes one of the two points of this post. The first is to put the question of the social paradox to you (you’ve heard the first part before). What makes us the people we are? Do we mould to fit the role thats missing, or does the group seek out their missing part. On a professional basis the answer is obvious, both, the company is missing a manger so they advertise, and an employee who has the ability to act as manager is seeking out work, so joins. But in social systems, what dictates the people we become? To quote a line from Heroes ‘Be the one we need!’ Are we all the people that others need? Or just some of us? I would like to think that we are all necessary. For me, ALL of the people in my life are the people I have needed to be where I am now. I would have said ‘who I am now’, if it wasn’t for the question I am about to ask.

Who are we? I realise I have asked this question many times all with different justifications, all with different arguments, and resoning and all with different results. But if I am one person now, and another writing on a different blog (I don’t) then which one of these people is more me? I know what you’re thinking, you’re thinking both. So I’ll develop the question a bit more, I write on this blog like this because that is what this blog is for, I would write on another one is a different way, for the same reason, and a third and a fourth and so on until I have written a hundred posts all different. (We are of course now imagining that the blogs are the only things that exist in the world for clarity of argument.) Another person, upon making use of all the different blogs could write 100 different posts all with the same intonation as mine. What makes us different? We were both the people the blog’s needed us to be, and have emerged identically. So the (second) question I am posing is, are we all just a unique set of circumstances? All different because none of our experiences are the same, yes merely circumstantial none-the-less?

 

Ever Interested

Where?

We are all coming to the same point again: Who are we? What makes us who we are? And what makes us decide? What makes us find our way through life?

In the end, there is no right or wrong. Yes, I am sure, everything that happened to us up to the point of a decision will influence if not actually make the decision. But is this entirely true? Can we not decide against our own opinion? Yes, I might believe that this is the way to decide now, at this point. Based on previous experiences, the way I was brought up and the advice of other people I know what the “right” decision would be. But who says I cannot do the opposite. Just because I want to decide completely against what I believe in, because I feel this rebellion is the only way to bring me forward?

I went through a time lately when I also felt, we must be alone on this damn planet. With nothing but ourselves and maybe a few people that care. It cannot be that there is the one being, the one creature or what you want god to be called, who created all this but now gives a damn about how things go on in his/her world. I always had faith and slowly it seems I am getting back to a more normal level of faith again. I thought I could not have it anymore… but still, the question remains, why do things in this world go wrong for so many people? Be it just ourselves with our problems, which might be – compared to the ones others on this planet have to face – small, we still ask why? Why does it have to be so bad?

As an example, I know some people who seem to be a focus point for trouble and problems. If you look around yourself, you will probably find the one person, or family, that never seems to get lucky. People die, get killed in car accidents and people get seriously ill. And often there are one, two or even more of those things happening in one family. My grandma lost her youngest son in a car crash years and years ago. Her husband died of a heart attack, she survived one herself and then over a year ago her older son died of cancer after going through a seriously bad time. Although this is a tangent now (yes, I tend to walk Eyal’s way…) what I want to say is that it is really hard to believe in something like a god. Or at least in a god that is good.

But we were talking about identities. Or basically our own identity. I found a very interesting question on Friday, talking to a friend of mine: Where is this “me”? If I talk about “me” what am I referring to? Obviously we would think of the body at first. But this is not where I would locate myself. My consciousness must be located somewhere. But it cannot be the brain, it may be the result of the reactions, the electrical connections that happen in my head every second. But this lightning that goes on and on inside my brain creates something completely untouchable. You will never be able to touch your own “me”. The consciousness is something that actually cannot be measured or seen and it will never be. We will never know where the existence, OUR existence is located. But we believe that we are. We never doubt the fact that we are here. That it is “me” who is writing this here, and that it is “me” who thinks about it as well as it is “me” who decides on things. Yes, it might be difficult to believe in something sometimes. It is difficult to believe in things we cannot see. But “we” ourselves don’t really know where we actually exist. We don’t “see” each other really, we just see the physical expression through which we are able to interact with each other. But if we can believe that we are here, we exist, it could be possible something else exists, too. Although things go wrong and are not perfect. But we keep saying where people are working, people will always make mistakes. If you think about it, it is not the body who does make a mistake… it is “us”. And yet if we make a mistake, we know we did it. Maybe it is the same for god… who knows…?

God cannot be seen…. but have you every believed in something you didn’t see?

and what makes me me?

I think you found some valid arguments there my friend, but do you not think that the people we want to be and who we will ourselves to be is of the same character?

I am not the same person I was when I started writing this sentence. I have changed. Since the beginning of this paragraph I have written some more, thought some more and thus, I have gained some more experience, which in turn can cause me to alter my behavior or think differently before making a decision. It’s not necessarily a notable change, only minute and incredibly subtle changes in my subconscious mind, but it is a change nevertheless.

Thus, I am the sum of all my experiences. I believe we have discussed this before, and this is why I believe that although our path is not set and our choices are free, within the restrictions of ourselves, there really is no choice.

You see, every decision I make is based upon the experiences, encounters, dreams and contemplations I have had in my entire life. All of them. Negative and positive, conscious or unconscious, my own or some thoughts I got from someone else. All of them count in to every decision I make. Everything we do up until the very point of the decision influences the choice. Which means that in any given situation, I could not have chosen otherwise, because my decision is based on everything I have ever experiences, it can only have that very outcome. So even though we have free choice and will, we are slaves of ourselves and our experiences. And if you think you are not, then you are a slave of that thought and will act accordingly.

This in turn means that it is me that makes me. Simply, I am the sum of everything else. Every human being, every adult, every child, is the sum of his own world. They say that you can see the world in one grain of sand. And that, is absolutely true.

Wether we are good or bad is a consequence of our choices. Wether we want to be good or bad is simply a matter of our experiences. What we want to be and what we are is one and the same. Not always in action but always in thought. Humans are complicated beings, but everything we do is for a reason. Not always apparent and not always present at the time, but a reason nevertheless must exist for anything to happen. Cause and effect. Choice and consequence. And that is who I am.

I am the sum of everything else.

to tHis Point

Brick walls.

The brick walls are there for a reason. They are there to show us how much we really want something. – Randy Pausch.

I don’t really know what to say or write, because so much has been said already, and what you want to hear and what you need to hear are proboably two different things. So, I am going to just be me, thoughts and feelings. Arogant and bold as always. Free and cruel.

Remember who you are! You have extraordinary talents, great gifts that others envy you! Remember that with great power comes great responsibility, and your responsibility is to yourself. Not to be beaten, not to stay lying in the mud and let the world go by. You get back up on the horse, you smile at fate and you laugh in his face (sorry Ed) and together we go straight back into the fire!

You earned the right to be sad, to give up even and to cave in. But you are respected because so far, you never did. And I don’t expect you to start now. Now, just as we begin this journey, you can’t stop now, there are so many thigs to do. Places to see and visit, people to meet, challenges to be met, moments to be conquered and minds to influence!

We stand at the doorstep of the world. Balancing. Right here, right now, this is where the greatest journey begins. Remember who we are. Let us do what we were born to do.

Hantastic.

*ps: Some changes has been made to the sidebar. New searchfunction that actually works. A tag cloud as well as refined structuring of some elements on core level. Just in case you didn’t notice. – And now you see why I want you to fill out the tag section when posting.