Sleeping ’til the sun is high in the sky. Dreaming about the future. Eating breakfast with the best girl I know while reading the paper. Working on incredible, fantastic, boring, exciting, exhausting and extremely challenging projects. All of them at the same time. Drawing my own house. Making plans for the future. Thinking about my friends. Wishing I could fix all the worlds problems. Listening to great music. Attempting to play the piano. Planning a wedding. The best one ever. Chocolate. Red wine. A Vesper Martini every now and then. Cooking good food for good people. Enjoying the little things in life. Learning every single day. Always. Finding new places. Meeting new people and making new friends. Some not so good friends too. Sex, drugs and rock ‘n roll. Not so much the drugs and we could do with some more rock ‘n roll. Setting up a new company. Longing for my girlfriend. My fiance actually. Climbing mountains. Walking in the woods. Sleeping outdoors in summer with a starry sky. Watching clouds drift by. Eating straweberries with cream. Caviar and Vodka. Barbequing in Switzerland with Georg. Going to the theatre in London with Eyal. Answering Hendrik’s Hog questions. Building lego. Getting up way to early in the morning after staying up way too long the night before. Beeing free and cruel. Loving someone. Loosing some battles. Winning the rest. Making three mistakes in one day. Screwing up the Schnick Schnack patch plan. Fixing the Hog. Drawing trees. Photographing beauty. Sleeping nude. Holding Signhild’s hand. Kissing. Running in the high and wild grass. Forgetting to be afraid of worms and bugs. Forgetting to be afraid of anything. Thinking I should rule the world. Ruling the world. Having the best friends ever. Ever. Seeing my family. Spending time with my brother, planning some great adventure. Realising there’s always a bigger fish. Beeing the bigger fish. Saving the day. Or screwing up all the plans everyone had. Keeping secrets. Sharing them. Knowing things. Showing off. Creating just one little bit of magic. Saving someones life. Saving the world. Wishing you could all be here. Now.
This is my life. It isn’t perfect. It doesn’t have to be.
So while Eyal was struggling with his icebox and not-breakfast, and Georg was enjoying spring, the very cold and very tired-of-snow Norwegians decided to go for a bit of dancing and hopefully some nice south american warmth. In short, we signed up for Tango lessons.
Actually, for one of the presents in Signhild’s advent calendar last year, I gave her a gift certificate for Tango lessons. Not by me obviously, that would be pointless, and incredibly amusing I’m sure, but at a professional instructor. So yesterday and today we have spent 6 hours learning the basics, avoiding stepping on each others toes and trotting around in a small venue downtown Oslo, learning, as the instructor called it, proper Argentinian tango.
And it was really fun. Now I’ve never done anything like this before, so the experience of learning a dance from scratch, with the basic positions and moves, although challenging, was a truly amusing experience! But it’s very dependent on whom you’re dancing with. We swapped partners a few times during the lessons, just to get a feel for dancing with completely strange people, and it really makes you aware of the connection that you have with your partner.
Apart from that, winter seems to finally have decided to start letting the firm grip slip a little, today was the first day since way before Christmas where it was only 0 degrees outside. Hopefully this means that the snow will start melting, the sun will start shining and the weather will generally be a little nicer… this has been a very long and very cold winter.
Hope to see you guys soon… where and what are you touring Georg?
G’s post is as clever as it is true. And personally, the timing is perfect. Not because I have wounds need filling nor because I do not know love, but simply because at this point I think I am learning about love again. Perhaps even learning how to love again.
I believe I speak the truth when I say that my heart is scarred, if we stick to G’s metaphors for love, in that I give to others what is given to me. At least. Or at the very least I hope I do. It is difficult to tell my own actions from my own dreams. But have I really understood what it meant to tear pieces off and fill the holes with pieces of strange blood? What does it really mean to love someone?
Would you die for the one you love? Would you kill for the one you love? Yes and no. I believe I would do anything to keep safe and protect from harm or injury, those whom I love. But I would much rather live for the one I love. Instead of killing, I would much rather create. Spend life together while seeds grow into flowers, hills into mountains and icebergs into glaciers. I would much rather watch the world go by as we silently weep the loss of old friends and family, inevitable as it is, than to die trying to prevent these things. If I have to, I would slaughter the world and die trying to see my loved again, but I would much rather live and give the entirety of my life and all that I am just for one more second.
I would kill for love. But I will live for my loved.