Sleeping ’til the sun is high in the sky. Dreaming about the future. Eating breakfast with the best girl I know while reading the paper. Working on incredible, fantastic, boring, exciting, exhausting and extremely challenging projects. All of them at the same time. Drawing my own house. Making plans for the future. Thinking about my friends. Wishing I could fix all the worlds problems. Listening to great music. Attempting to play the piano. Planning a wedding. The best one ever. Chocolate. Red wine. A Vesper Martini every now and then. Cooking good food for good people. Enjoying the little things in life. Learning every single day. Always. Finding new places. Meeting new people and making new friends. Some not so good friends too. Sex, drugs and rock ‘n roll. Not so much the drugs and we could do with some more rock ‘n roll. Setting up a new company. Longing for my girlfriend. My fiance actually. Climbing mountains. Walking in the woods. Sleeping outdoors in summer with a starry sky. Watching clouds drift by. Eating straweberries with cream. Caviar and Vodka. Barbequing in Switzerland with Georg. Going to the theatre in London with Eyal. Answering Hendrik’s Hog questions. Building lego. Getting up way to early in the morning after staying up way too long the night before. Beeing free and cruel. Loving someone. Loosing some battles. Winning the rest. Making three mistakes in one day. Screwing up the Schnick Schnack patch plan. Fixing the Hog. Drawing trees. Photographing beauty. Sleeping nude. Holding Signhild’s hand. Kissing. Running in the high and wild grass. Forgetting to be afraid of worms and bugs. Forgetting to be afraid of anything. Thinking I should rule the world. Ruling the world. Having the best friends ever. Ever. Seeing my family. Spending time with my brother, planning some great adventure. Realising there’s always a bigger fish. Beeing the bigger fish. Saving the day. Or screwing up all the plans everyone had. Keeping secrets. Sharing them. Knowing things. Showing off. Creating just one little bit of magic. Saving someones life. Saving the world. Wishing you could all be here. Now.
This is my life. It isn’t perfect. It doesn’t have to be.
I have no knowledge or wisdom, no power or idea, that can comfort or sound reasonable when we look at the tragedy that some people have experienced today. Our small problems are minute compared to the loss 30 parents are feeling tonight. I know this wasn’t the first tragedy, and it will not be the last. Yet no matter how many times I read about these things in the paper, I feel sad. I feel sad that people can do these things to each other, people, that are of the same kind and country, people, that are of the same world, people, that shares the most basic desires with each other. I feel sad for those who died, but I pitty the one who killed them.
the world is crying
yet, it moves
slowly on its axis
how can this be?
Brother death has been here again
and he didn’t leave alone
15 souls he took tonight
as the angels stood watching
how can this be?
that life is unfair
is most certain.
and why things happen,
I don’t know. I do know,
that the angels weep tonight.
notHing more to say. Peace and prosperity to us all.
A good question. How long is time actually? I mean, time is something we rationally created and we accept to be the way it is. But why is time so different for everyone? Why do we experience it so completely different to everyone else? Why is time running so incredibly slow at the moment? Why does nothing improve but is just getting worse every day? Why do things always turn out the worst? And nothing ever works out?
I really don’t have an answer to any of these questions. What I know is that time is not working with me right now and I also know that I will need a lot of time, much more than I ever wanted or thought, to get over the things that happened to me lately. I am sure it is true that time heals… but when? Is time efficient? Is it mean? If it isn’t, then I might ask the question, why do we have to go through the times when things are just all bad. Why does it need so much time to see the light again? I am just not ready to accept that we have to experience the bad things all the time to enjoy the few seconds of joy we have in our lives. I simply don’t want to believe this. 25, no, almost 26 years and where am I now…? I have lost the perspective and the ability to look at things objectively. As nothing is turning out right.
Do we all go through this every now and then? I don’t know… but what I know is that I don’t want to wait for another 25 years to find someone again where everything feels right… I simply don’t want to wait for such a long time again. But then, considering the amount of people on this planet, I think the possibility to find the right person is incredibly small…
Sorry for the rant or the mess of thoughts. It is probably not the right thing to write here in the middle of the night when you had way too much to drink already. But this is the good thing here… I am amongst a small group of people who have the rights (at least on an IT-level) to write whenever they want. Feel free to ignore it… but if you read it: Welcome to my life. For details, please call me…